I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
