WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
