he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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