This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
