I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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