I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
