I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
