I cut my penus on the lid.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
