Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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