I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
