we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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