just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Is it because I queefed?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My life is pants optional.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
