wrigley field is MILF paradise
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
