Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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