dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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