Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
