If i could tip my vagina, i would.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize