Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
