why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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