I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
