my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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