i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Shame - the story of my life.
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