we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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