He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
