smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
