I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
