Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Non-Jews are for practice
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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