If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
