i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
