Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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