I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
