oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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