I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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