im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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