I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
