i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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