I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
