Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
