Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
