She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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