Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
