I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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