dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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