how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
