im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
