I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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