guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize