I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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