If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I would ride that face into the sunset
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
