I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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