i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
