I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
