Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
