Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you traded sex for a burrito?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Houston, we have a squirter
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
