Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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