uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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