You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
