one two three fourrrrnication!
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Success! We fucked roommates!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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