I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
home. puking in laundry basket.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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