bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
