oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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