I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
