So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
