i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
