i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
