my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize