There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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