I think scott just propositioned me for sex
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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