i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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